Perhaps you were unaware of the extent of your spouse’s narcissism until after you were married. Narcissists often conceal their true personalities, saying and doing whatever they must to impress a love interest. As time passed, and your spouse’s tendencies began to infiltrate your marriage, daily life may have taken a stressful turn for the worse. Like many Missouri spouses who have experienced similar issues, you may have determined that you’d rather separate than endure the constant stress of living with a narcissist, so you’ve decided to file for divorce.
Just as sharing daily life with a narcissist can hold you captive in “fight or flight” mode, navigating divorce proceedings can be highly stressful as well. There are several helpful tips to keep in mind to minimize stress and ensure that you receive a fair settlement. For instance, it’s helpful to learn more about narcissistic tendencies so you’ll know what you’re up against in court.
Announce your plans to divorce later, rather than sooner
If you’ve been married to a narcissist for some time, you’ve no doubt encountered instances where your spouse has manipulated your words or tried to use something you’ve said or done against you. Narcissists thrive on controlling their environments and the people around them. This is why it might be best to keep your divorce plans to yourself, until you absolutely must share the information with your spouse.
This enables you to think through your plans and create a list of needs and settlement goals without your spouse trying to take control of the situation. A narcissist is highly skilled at offering false apologies and convincing people to “give them another chance.” Keeping your plans private as long as possible may give you more control over the situation.
Be ready for the onslaught of emotional abuse that is likely to follow
At some point, you will have to inform your spouse that you’re filing for a divorce. The news might trigger numerous behaviors. Your spouse might refuse to sign the divorce papers or might start spreading rumors about you to your family and friends. Someone with narcissistic tendencies may want to gain the upper hand during proceedings, especially regarding property division and child custody issues.
Be on the lookout for hidden asset schemes, and don’t be afraid to seek outside support to help you protect your children’s interests. In fact, if you believe your spouse may place your children at risk, you can request sole legal and physical custody. Also, relying on a legal advocate to speak and act on your behalf in court removes you from the narcissist’s line of fire and ensures that you will receive a fair settlement.
